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| So work has been going great. I got in a fight with Brian the one day but things are cool now. He's not my favorite person, but I don't dislike him. It's whatever. And he's gone in a month anyways so yeah. Not even gonna type up the argument.. it isnt worth it. Tomorrow we're having a company picnic, I wasnt gonna go cause I orginally had plans to go to the zoo but Jon and I rescheduled so I'm going. And taking Jon. Lindsays driving cause I made her. Hahha. I am like for real so close to Lindsay, Courtney, Brittany, Emily.. and possibly even Erin.
Speaking of Courtneys.. my "best friend" Courtney pretty much murdered me. On Wend night she texted me and said she's been lying to me and she has secrets to tell me. The first was that her bf David was cheating on her, she caught him. They fight a lot so I wasnt suprised there. The second was he's been beating her. I was pissed she's been letting it happen and hasn't been doing anything about it and she's been hiding it from me, BUT I know how scary it is so I wasnt gonna like freak out that she didnt tell me. But the 3rd secret is what ruined the whole entire friendship. She told me for the past 6 months she's been on drugs. Now before she got with her nigger David she was against drugs, even against weed. Of course weed is a drug but as you know it's the calmest of them all, and she HATED weed. But David is a junkie and now Courtney is one too! I told her straight up that David is ruining her life. She started crying and she told me she would quit the drugs for me, but she wouldn't leave David. I'm not fucking stupid! As long as she's with David, she's gonna keep doing the drugs. It's obvious!!!!! She says she won't but everything she says is a fucking lie aparantly. So I said "nope, it's me or David. you choose." She chose David. The boy who hits her. The boy who cheats on her. The boy who makes her cry day in and day out. The boy who got her into drugs. She's only been with him 6 fucking months and she chose him!!! When I told Jon he was like "typical nigger" and it really is true. This is why I'm somewhat racist. I'm not racist against black people but I'm racist against niggers. To me, a nigger can be a white person. Depends how ignorant you act. Idk. Idc. Anyways... so I quit talking to her and she texts me and texts me and texts me.. she never stops, and I dont reply or anything and she's all boo hoo I miss you boo fucking hoo. Stfu bitch, you fucked up. Not only are you a junkie, but you chose HIM over me, AND you lied to me! Boyyy lying to me pisses me off more then you'd ever imagine! So yeah, I'm broken hearted cause of course I lost my number one best friend Ive ever had in my life.. but I dont even care. I mean, I do.. but I dont. You know? I'm moving on and living life. Why let someone as low as her get me down? She's the scum beneath my fucking shoes.
I see in my last entry I had talked about putting Rocky down. I ended up putting him to rest July 3rd. He is my world, and I miss him terribly. But I know what I did was right. There is not a doubt in my mind. On the way to the vet, he had to go to the bathroom. I could see how much it hurt just to do an every day task. His actual anus was pushed outside his body because of his spleen shoving organs in the wrong directions. He dug his claws into me and screamed a high pitch scream as he went to the potty. I cried just as loud as he screamed, and at times, I was screaming with him. In the room when I got it done, Jon and Daddy sat in the waiting room with Roxy. Jon later told me he could clearly hear me cry loud, and there were people in the waiting room with the sadest looks on their faces. After Rocky was gone, Roxy went into a deep depression. I was always told to have atleast two ferrets cause they love having another ferret around. Ive never only had one, but I saw the day after Rocky left us that that is indeed true. Roxy just wasn't Roxy anymore. I knew even before I planned to put Rocky down that I would get another ferret once I got a job and got on my feet. Now the time was more perfect then ever, and Jon decided to get me one for my bday. I was scared at first cause I was afraid Rocky would think I was replacing him. But I knew I wasnt, no way in Hell! I was just giving Roxy a play mate, and someone to sleep with at night. Someone to be with her when I'm at work. So shortly after, Jon and I went to the pet store and I picked out Riley. It was down between three ferrets, a little guy, and two big guys. Then I eliminted the little guy, and I got the two big ones out and checked out who Roxy seemed to like more. Riley won! So I got him. My God he is HUGE! Three times her size and he's only 4 months old.. and she's 4 years old!! He's so bad, but they get along great! Sometimes when he plays he doesn't realize how sharp his teeth are and how much bigger he is then Roxy so he gets punished for being far too rough but other then that, they love eachother. At first I was kinda mean to him, I'll admit, cause I wanted to favor Roxy and treat her like a Princess. And Roxy is a Princess... but Riley is my little Prince!!! It isn't his fault Rocky passed away, and I have no reason to be ignoring him or treating him differently just to make sure I dont "replace" Rocky.. I know I wont! So Ri and I are pretty close now.
I have Rocky's ashes up on my dresser next to Ringo. I love him and miss him so much, but it is what it is. He's with Ringo now again and with Bo! And I'm glad I could give Riley such a good home.
Same day I got Ri I got the neighbor's hamster, Shelly. I renamed her Shelly. They aparantly can't even take care of a hamster, so she's in good hands now. Then a few weeks later I got a little boy hammy I named Midas, I'm working on breeding them. =]
Same day we put Rocky down, we put Buttons down. Now Buttons has been in bad shape for so long and it should've been done a long time ago. But it was technically Cathy's cat so we couldn't make that call. When she seen I decided to let Rocky go, she got the courage to let Buttons go. RIP Rocky & Buttons.<3
Ummmm.... I went to the beach for a few days. That was fun, I missed Roxy and Zeus so much! I only had Riley like three days before I left so I didnt miss him too much lol. Nothing interesting really happened, cept one night I acted like a drunken whore who lost my hotel key and Jon acted like a guy taking advantage of me. It was hilarious, you should've see the dirty looks people were giving us. I drowned several times in the ocean as I always do. Lost my pants a few times. Made a friend with a guy on the boardwalk, forget his name now. All sorts of fun stuff. Made out on the hammock like at 4am. Hahaha good ass times.
And my bday was cool too. =] Got some neat shit.
We had a big family gathering like right after I got back from the beach. My cousin who died was there, he was still spacey but I thought he looked pretty good and he's walking without a problem.
Um I think I covered pretty much everything. | | |
| Once upon a time there was a boy with a beautiful babygirl and a beautiful caring wonderful loving girlfriend. The boy has the most perfect parents anybody could ask for, two great brothers, and an adorable puppy. Sadly, although the boy had everything on his side, he was too into herion.
One day he went to a friends house to do the herion with them. He over dosed accidently, and went into a shock. His body uncontrolably jumping around the floor, like a fish out of water. Instead of calling the ambulance, his "friends" were afraid of jail time, so they let the boy lay there to die.
They did do one good thing though, and that was covering him in ice to calm his heart rate. I wouldn't of even thought of that, so when I heard this I was suprised the worthless pieces of shit junkies even knew to do that.
After covering him in ice, they continue to do their precious drugs, assuming he'd be okay.
After several hours of not returning home, his Mother becomes concerns. So together, his Mother and girlfriend go searching for him after he refused to answer his phone. (Of course though, he couldn't).
Finally they found out where he was, they bust through the doors, and the stoners beg them not to call the cops because again, they're afraid of being put to jail. So his Mother had to actually walk to the end of the street to get the street name, she then called an ambulance.
The boy was put on a helicopter and rushed to Harrisburg Hospital. There he was put on life support and for two entire weeks (straight through his birthday) he was knocked out. Unconcious. Every time they'd try taking him off life support, his organs would quit working and he would slip away, so they had to put him back on.
Finally one day his parents decided to just take him off the support, and.. whatever happens, happens. The boy closed his eyes tightly and had an intense amount of tears pouring out. He screamed at the top of his lungs in pain and thrashed around in the hospital bed.
He was dying.
..........................
He entered a white room. White walls, white floor. A white chair sitting right in the middle of the room. He walks up to the chair, grabs it, and is about to take a seat when he sees another man. A man he knows. A man who passed away about three years ago. That man takes the chair away from the boy, and gives him a stern look. As if saying "It's not your time"
Right after that, the boy woke up. Sat straight up in his bed. The doctors said if he did make it through all this 1) he would have brain damage and 2) he wouldn't be able to move.
The boy to this day can move and walk around as if nothing happened. He has very very slight brain damage. He'll forget little things, like the events in the hospital and what happened to get him into the hospital, but he knows people and bascially all he has is short term memory loss.
That boy is my cousin Billy. 23 years old. That man he saw, was my Grandfather. That white room that he was in, was Heaven.
Billy is my hero. Whenever I doubt God I think of Billy seeing my Grandfather. I think of the doctors saying theres no way Billy would walk or remember things, and he's doing both.
There is such thing as miracles. You just gotta trust in Christ.
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About a month before all that happened with Billy in my last entry, Jon's Grandmother got really sick. As I sit here and type this I do forget the name of her disease, but it's where your brain just doesn't tell your muscles when to and when not to do stuff. She lost feeling in her legs and she lost her speach at first. Then it moved through her whole body, up until she couldn't even move her neck. She spent Easter in the hospital. Then came home and Pap took care of her. She had a hospital bed at home and Pap would feed her, bathe her, and help her to the bathroom. She was home about 3 months. The doctor said she had about 3 years left to live.
She died June 24th at 9:30AM.
I am depressed. Jon is worse. Pap and Jon's Dad (it was his Mom) are a wreck. But at the same time, all 4 of us know it's best. That poor women has no life. She was honestly just a vegetable.
Viewing will be help Sunday in Hamstead, I'll be staying a long time to be with Jon. My parents will be coming at some point too. Funeral is Monday morning here in town.
RIP Grandma Gist.<333333333 The sweetest woman I know! The [second] biggest animal lover I know. =]
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Yet another bad thing is taking place.
Exactly 10 days ago, my ferret Rocky lost feelings in his back legs. As you guys should know from pervious enteries he has a spleen problem and he will die from it. He was given 3 months, he's on about 4, almost 5. I'm not sure, but I think the weight from his spleen is what is making his back legs not work. Either that or just no blood flow is getting to his legs cause his spleen is hogging it all up. I'm not sure. BUT, about a month ago his back feet got really swollen and that only lasted four days, then it went away on it's own. I know now it's worst, cause now he has no use of his back legs at all..but I was still giving it time to go away cause I know it did last time. Well he did have two good days where he was putting more and more weight on his hind legs, but now he's bad again. The only time I get to the vet, since it's in Westminister, is on Tuesday. So I made an appointment then. Idk if we'll decide to put him down or not. It's a large possiblity.
I'm prepared, I'm ready. I knew this was coming for a long time, and honestly I'm sick and tired of watching Rocky struggle and drag himself around with his front legs and not even be able to go to the bathroom without it getting all over him.
He is my best friend and I would trade places with him if I could, I would give him my life and I would die for him. But I respect God's plan and I will follow it.
Until then I just pray Rocky can be as comfortable as possible and Roxy will be able to pull out of the depression when Rocky does go.
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Also, you guys should know that I worked at Quiznos and that was the only job I liked, then they closed and I couldn't find a job since then, so I've been surviving off unemployment. Well, about two weeks ago I heard they were opening again! So I called the number in the merchandiser, did an application, got an interview, did orention, and now I'm part of the team again! Of course it isn't like when Chris and Karl owned it, but the new owners do seem pretty cool. And I think since I was the second highest when Chris and Karl owned it that I can probably "get up there" again, and getting up there is GREAT because you get fantastic hours and more pay. =]
Advantages:
1) It's a JOB!
2) It's a job I'm familiar with!
3) I can "get up there" easily due to my past.
Disadvantages:
1) Dk how the owners are. I wouldnt even really consider it a disadvtange cause they do seem very nice, I just hope they're like Chris and Karl!!
The store opens July 1st. =] See you there.
| | |
| Things are insane, and that's just to say the least. About three weeks ago I found out poor Rocky has skin cancer. Dr Ryan told me it's at the beggining stage and it'll take atleast a year until it starts to effect his life and possibly kill him. So I started discussing possible skin treatments to help prolong his life, to help the itching, ect. We discussed a few, but then with such a sad look on his face, Dr Ryan hit me with the worst news I've ever heard in a long time.
"I don't see a point in you dishing out thousands of dollars for skin treatment. I don't expect Rocky to live longer then 3 more months. His spleen is too big. It's going to kill him."
Heartbreaking. FUCK. Heartbreaking doesn't even describe it. I was numb. I felt like I couldn't even fucking stand anymore. I called my parents into the room and the tears were non-fucking-stop.
I asked for Dr Ryan to come back into the room, and I flat out asked him if he at all things I should put Rocky down. He said no, because in most cases with an enlarged spleen what will happen is it'll cut off the blood flow to the heart, and the animal will feel extremely tired. They'll lay down to sleep, and I they won't ever wake up. It's a painless death, and Dr Ryan didn't think I should put Rocky down and rip him off of a few months of life.
Dr Ryan continues to go on stessing that 3 months is just a guess. He is not God and of course he doesn't know for sure. Rocky could die tonight. Rocky could die in a year. Either way since 1) we don't know WHEN he'll die and 2) he's not in any pain, I should NOT put him down.
I almost wish he was in pain, so I could've put him down when I found out that devastating news. I can't stand watching Rocky lay around in my arms, or in his bed, just sleeping all day long. I mean yeah, sometimes he has his good days. And by good days I mean where he'll get up with wide eyes, be a little nosey like ferrets should be, and he'll even be socialable. But he also has his bad days. Where his spleen is hard as a rock, and he sleeps 23 hours of the fucking day. And as sad as it is, he has more bad then good. Today is a bad day. BUT yesterday was a good day. I even had him and his sister outside cause it was so pretty out.
I know he's not in pain. But my God, I AM! I've said plenty of prayers, on top of my every night prayers. But the best prayer I said, was yesterday. Nice, short, and simple. But so true, and so to the point.
"If he's going to die, let him die. If he's going to live, let him live."
Meaning: I know nothing lasts forever, and death is something I cannot avoid no matter how hard I try. I understand he is sick, and I did all I could do. I understand he is going to die. But if he's going to die here soon, then I just wish he would do it. Because it kills me sitting here watching him slowly die. You know? And if he's going to live a few months, GREAT, but let him LIVE. Don't let him lay around bummed out. Let him get up and be a ferret.
Letting go is hard, but what's even harder is WAITING to lose my baby boy. Waiting to lose my pride and joy. Waiting on God to take him. I can't fucking wait. It hurts too bad and it's killing me. For every night the past 3 weeks I cried so hard until I literally passed out. I scream, I puke, I shake. I go into such anixety attacks I can't breathe. I just can't take this.
I explained to Rocky whats going on. I explained I did all I could do. Nothing else can be done, or else I would damn well do it. For God's sake, I wipe his pee pee every time he pees cause his spleen is so big it lays in the pee. I help him climb to his food dish, because by the time he gets there he's so out of breath and it's terrible seeing him like that. I hold him tight every night and pray to God WITH Rocky in my arms. I close my eyes, touch his head, and bless him. I do EVERYTHING for him. I explained how much I love him. How much I need him. How he will soon be in Heaven with his brother Ringo. And I promise on my life I will take such great care of Roxy, I will treat her like a Princess. And soon enough, Roxy will be in Heaven with Ringo and Rocky. And Rocky will see me again one day too!
Of course explaining all that to him fucking killed me, because the whole time he's just staring into my eyes. Omfg.
And I explained to Roxy how I'm going to take care of her. Like seriously. When Rocky passes I am taking her everywhere with me.
Speaking of Roxy, she's growing up and being so mature so quick. She's taking such good care of Rocky. She kisses him obsessivly and follows him EVERYWHERE. When he's up itching from the Cancer, she stands behind him and waits til he's done. Itching is under control though thank God cause of this over the counter treatment I'm using.
All in all, I need strength. For Roxy's sake. And I pray God can give me that.
I love you Rocky Euigene Wagaman.<3 | | |
| So Tuesday night my parents decided to treat all of us to dinner. It was kinda like a Christmas dinner but late cause of Mom's ribs. It was me, the parents, Jon, Adam, Val, Brendon, Cathy, Lexi, and Cathys fling Larry.
Well Larry technially wasn't even supposed to come because him and my sister were only together like like a fucking month and a half. And when I first dated Jon I was with him a little over a month but I didn't bring him along to our family supper because he was still new and I didnt know what to make of him. And well no offence to my whorebag of a sister, but she can't keep a relationship worth a crap, and we all know Larry won't even be here next year... or even in the next few months lmao... but STILL my poor parents had to treat the creep to dinner cause Cathy opened her fucking nasty mouth and invited him without asking my parents.
Well let me tell you something first. Larry has been our neighbor for a good amount of years now. He lived there with his girlfriend Kelly and her daughter Meg. Meg wasn't actually his kid but he treated her as his own. Aparantly, some time this past summer, Cathy slept with Larry. I didn't know this until recently. Anyways this caused Kelly and Larry to split. Kelly took Meg and they moved out. Larry has the house to himself, and can barley make payments. He has no heat or anything. His Mom just bought him a bed for Christmas, and that's all he has.
When I found out him and Kelly were splitting, I knew nothing about him screwing my sister. Him and I talked a good bit, and I actually really liked him as a friend and a neighbor. But then, I guess sometime in late November, Cathy and Larry went back to fucking and they ended up making it "official" and theyre together now. And since they got together, Larry has treated me so badly. And I kept telling everyone I think Larry doesnt like me. And everyone would say it was in my head. And they asked me why I would think that. And I just always thought he stopped liking me as soon as he got with Cathy because Cathy talks some crazy shit on me and probably told him a lot of lies about me. But everyone kept saying I was just thinking negitive and Larry does so like me and blah blah blah..
So back to where my parents treat us to dinner. We went to a place called Crazy Horse. Everything was fine til the end. Mom looked at the bill was pretty pissed, and she kinda just whispered to me "They're making us leave a huge tip." and I was pretty mad cause the place fucking sucked, so I went to look at the bill to see how much they made us leave for our dumb waitress. So Cathy of course being as she is, cuts in. And says "MOM! DONT LET HER LOOK AT THE BILL! I wouldnt let her look at it if I were you." And really all I was looking at was the tip. Whats the big deal? So I said to Cathy "ha. well you're not my mother." And it's true.. Cathy acts like she fucking OWNS me. So then Cathy says "damn glad i'm not." so I say "if you were my mom, i'd probably end up pregnant at age 9." because omg Cathys daughter [my niece] Lexi is a total fucking WHORE. She is DISGUSTING. Like seriously someone should blow her head off. Anyways, then Cathy turns to her fling and says "see how she is? i told you! and its only the beggining." and Larry laughs and lays his head on her shoulder! Like wtf? Then to top it off Val starts laughing and she's like "i'm gonna pretend i didn't hear that!" and they all sit there laughing. It was all said quietly and Jon missed the whole thing and he was even closer to them then I was lol so I guess they didnt think I heard them but I did.
Right there is my proof Larry doesnt like me. And it really pisses me off cause before Cathy was sucking his dick he was cool with me and as soon as Cathy owns him he hates me. He only dislikes me cause Cathy does. Only God knows what for shit she told him.
And Val... that's my brother's girlfriend.... damn Idk what to think about her. Day in and day out she tells me how much she can't stand Cathy and how she doesn't know why Cathy treats me so badly and blah blah blah, then she's gonna sit there that night when she thinks I didnt hear her and take Cathys side and make fun of me? Like seriously.
Its a new year and its a new Julie. Im done letting people fuck with me. I actually left the restaurant and went outside and was bawling so hard I was almost puking.
Then after that Jon tried connecting his lap top at my house so I could do some applications online because my computer wont let me. We were trying for like an hour. I was tired and heartbroken from the right at Crazy Horse. I didn't wanna be sitting there. We ended up NOT getting it connected. So we gave up.
Thennnn we went upstairs, and to calm me down we watched a movie. And after the movie was done, it was like midnight, I went downstairs to bring in something from outside that I had hosed off earlier. I'm on my way thru the dark kitchen and BAM, I go flying through the kitchen. Ends up, I slipped on CAT PISS. I'm sorry, but that cat needs to DIE. And I fucking mean it. Either that, or cage the God damn nasty thing. And Cathy's sitting in the living room on the phone with fucking Larry giggling being annoying as fuck. And I had baggy PJ pants on and the bottom of them got fucking COVERED in cat piss. So I'm TICKED. Jon's standing there just looking at me. Not knowing what to do. So I just take off my fucking pants and throw them on the ground. So I go outside and it's freezing cold and I have no coat on and no pants on. Jon wanted to go out and bring my stuff in for me but I'm sooo mad I wouldnt let him. There was like ice everywhere too. So I bring my shit in and I stomp upstairs pissed off and I step into the shower so I can rinse off my feet, I go to turn the bottom spicket on, and SOMEBODY FUCKING DIDNT CHANGE THE SETTING SO IT CAME OUT OF THE TOP SPICKET ALL OVER ME. All on my face and everything. So, mader then ever, I literally TEAR off my shirt cause it was soaked. And I walk ASS NAKED [cept for underwear, i was wearing them cause i had my period.. but i wasnt wearing a bra cause it was bed time.] back to my room. Pissed.
Wed --- I was furious about the day before, so I wrote my sister a really hateful note pretty much disowning her. Here it is:
Dear Cathy,
I know I attempted ending things not too long ago, and it failed. You would find some way to talk to me, and if I'm correct, I believe you started the conversation with how much I owed you for a cell phone bill and it just elevated from there. None the less, I want you to know that I am very serious about us not talking. I've put some long hard thought into it, and I've come to the conclusion I want absolutely nothing to do with you. You disgust me in every way possible. I can not tolerate you, no matter how hard I try. You are the most selfish, self centered, cold hearted, thoughtless BITCH I have ever came upon in my whole entire life. I've met plenty of cruel people in my 20 years here on earth, but you have them all beat by a long shot.
I don't know why you hate me so much. I don't recall ever doing anything to make you treat me like shit for 20 fucking years. I know I've said some mean things, but the only time I ever say mean things is when I'm just defending myself. I don't start shit for no reason. And despite what I might've said, there is no reason you should hold such a grudge and treat me so badly for so long.
I was told by someone, that they think you treat me so bad because I'm an easy target. Because for some unknown reason, you hurt me the most out of all the people you try to hurt. I'm easy to get down. And once I'm down, you just bash me into the ground. You always win and you know it. That's probably why you're always after me, and rarely anyone else.
Well, I'm not letting you win anymore. I'm drawing the line right here. I don't give a fuck that you're my sister. I didn't have a choice, I just ended up with you. Unfortune, I know. If I could choose, I wouldn't choose you as a sister in a million years. You are such a horrible person. I tried getting over all of the fights, just to try and keep peace in the house. But it's so hard to "get over" them when you kept bringing up new subjects to hurt me.
Like with Larry for example. I had a gut feeling he didn't like me as soon as he started fucking you. But before he fucked you, when he would talk to me, Mom, and Dad outside we all got along. Then all of a sudden once he gets a taste of you he hates me. And he has a problem with me. Why is that? Hm? Probably because you filled his head with bullshit lies. And of course he's in love with you [cause from what I hear, your a pretty good lay. That's probably the only reason he likes you.] and he believes every little thing you say. But I'm sorry Cathy, that's childish. Larry is a big boy and he can make his own decisions about me. I've been with Jon over two years now, and not once did I tell him who he should and who he shouldnt like. And despite the fact I hate you with a passion, I never told Jon to dislike you. That was his own choice whether or not to like you. I have no influence on whatever he may feel about you. And Larry shouldn't dislike me either. I've been nothing but nice to the creep.
At Crazy Horse is when you broke my heart and made me realize I'm done. I could hear every fucking word all of you were saying. And by all of you, I mean you, Larry, and Val. Me looking at the bill had nothing to do with you. NOTHING. But of course your big mouth has to fucking say something. Then a small fight breaks out, and I clearly hear you say to Larry "see how she is? this is only the beggining." and he agrees and laughs.
What do you mean "see how she is?" I didn't even do anything!!! All I did was looked at the bill because I wanted to see if we had to leave 40 bucks tip or not. I'm sorry that I was concerned for Mom and Dad having to pay that much for a fucking tip. THAT'S ALL I FUCKING DID. You had no right to say shit. You should've kept your fucking mouth shut, and if you would've, I probably wouldn't be sitting here writing this.
Last night proved how much Larry doesn't like me. I had my suspicions but now it's clear. And it pisses me off. It'd be one thing if Larry actually knew me as a person and disliked me. But it's a whole nother thing when he's disliking me based off of what some psycho bitch said. Everyone has their own opinions, and you need to let Larry have his.
I don't give a fuck though. We all know Larry won't be here much longer. You can't keep a relationship if your life depended on it. Pretty sad your little sister whose ten years younger then you has you beat by over 2 years.
And Val.. I don't know what's up with you two being best friends all of a sudden, but I heard what she said after you made that smart remark to Larry. It's kinda funny, cause of all the shit you talk on Val, and all the shit she talks on you, all of a sudden you two teamed up on me like that. Un-fucking-believable.
It's pretty sad when I'm actually AFRAID to do something in front of you. Because each and every little thing I do is wrong to you. You act like it's a sin. You act like I'm the fucking Devil himself. Every night you go to dance, or wherever you go, is the nights I do stuff that involves being downstairs. Like vaccumming. And every time your not home I try to shower. Cause seriously, if your around you find something to freak out on me about. So I just try to hide out in my room whenever your home. Now that's really sad.
And speaking of Devils, when I was a little kid I used to dream all the time that you either got killed or went to Hell. At first it was really scary and I would always cry, but towards the end, as I got older, I'd dream it, wake up, and shrug it off. I wouldn't care if you went to Hell. I don't want anything to do with you now, and I don't want anything to do with you in the after life either.
Oh, and just something I've been thinking :: Keep an eye on Lexi. She told me she likes girls and kissed girls. Nothing wrong with being a lesbian, but at age 12? Not good. And all that make up she's wearing? DISGUSTING. And also, tell her to flush the toliet after she leaves her bloody period mess all in it.
And your cat. He needs to be put down. Either that or caged so I'm not constantly stepping in his piss or gagging over his shit. Thanks.
And don't you bitch about me not having a job. You act like I'm happy that Quizno's closed down. And you act like I'm not looking. With the ecomny the way it is, it's hard to get a job. And you know that. Instead of bashing me, take a look at yourself. Your 30 years old, you have two jobs, but your still living at home with your Mommy and Daddy. Lovely. Such a turn on! Perhaps it's because you waste all of your money on your 12 year old child who acts like she's 17? Just maybe.
I have so much more I could say, but I don't even really feel you are worth it. I feel that I got out all I wanted to get out. Bascially how you treat me like crap. And how I'm done with you.
I will not shed another tear for you on your behalf. To me, you don't even exsist. You're just another member of the household, and that's it. If you attempt to talk to me, I will not feel bad and give in like last time. I will ignore you. So don't even bother. It's a waste of your time. Text, phone call, face to face, letter.. anything. I will completley ignore. If you need to tell me how much my cell bill is, talk through Jon. Because honestly Cathy, I hate you more then I've ever hated anybody, and it's to the point NOTHING is ever going to change that.
You fucked up too much now.
--- And I wrote my parnets a note so they weren't left in the dark:
Dad Mom and Dad,
I know we have had our ups and downs. A lot of ups and downs actually. But in the end, I will have some respect for you. Simply because I remember the both of you pulling through at certain times when I needed you. You werent there EVERY time I needed you, but you were there like half the time. I remember being sick and you two sleeping on the living room floor with me so I wasn't alone. It replays in my head. I must of went to sleep before you two, but I woke up sick in the middle of the night, and I see Dad laying on the floor. It was so precious, and I will never forget it. I didn't even ask you guys to stay downstairs with me. You just knew I needed and wanted you to. And just like when Mom broke her rib. No matter how annoying she was [haha] I always took care of her. Did whatever she asked, and listened to her at her most depressed of moments. And Dad, if you ever get sick, I will do the same to you. But in the end, unfortunely, I would NOT say I am close to either of you. But I do have respect, and that's better then nothing.
The point of this letter is to inform you what you may, or may not have known that happened at Crazy Horse. Of course you do know I looked at the bill. Mainly just to see if we had to pay a 40 dollar tip. And of course, as Cathy always does, she starts shit with me and it leads into a small fight. I ended up shutting my mouth, and that was that. But what I heard them talk about at the end of the table is what hurt the most.
Cathy said to Larry "see how she's acting? this is just the beggining." and Larry laughed and agreed. Then Val cut in and said "i'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that!" and she's laughing too. All 3 of them sitting there bashing me.
First of all, Larry is a big boy and he can make his own decision whether he likes me or not. Cathy shouldn't have any influence on that.
Second of all, Val HATES Cathy, so why the Hell did she take Cathy's side?
Whatever the case, I wrote them both a letter, ending it with both of them. I want nothing to do with either of them. Cathy, for the way she's treated me all of my life. And Val, for being such a God damn fake and pretending I didn't fucking hear her talk shit on me.
I just don't want you guys to be mad at me. I'm not going to start fights and bring up drama. I just simply don't want anything to do with them. I did a lot of thinking and I honestly do believe my life would be a lot better and more enjoyable without Cathy constantly bringing me down, and without someone as fake as Val.
I go to bed crying so many nights because of Cathy. She gets me so depressed and so down, that I cry until I have no tears left. So many nights I just wanted to give up and blow my head off. Leaving nothing but heart break and brains scattered on the wall. Cathy touches my most sensitive of subjects, and uses them against me. Causing sucidial thoughts and severe depression. Do you want me to be how I was when I was 15 and 16? If not, just let me be done with Cathy and respect it. Please.
I'm not trying to get either of you involed in this, I just think you should know where I stand and what's going on. It's gone too far for me to change my mind.
I just hope and pray to God you guys aren't mad at me for this. By rights, you shouldn't be. You should respect my choice. And I hope you do.
--Needless to say, all hell broke loose when Cathy read her note. But I wasn't home, thank God. But she had the nerve to text Jon and tell him she's disconnecting my phone and blah blah. But if it costs I dont think she will. But she kept like texting Jon non stop and he wouldnt answer he cause he didn't wanna get involved. We got home in the middle of the night that night and I ALMOST had a break down, but I kept it together. For some unknown reason, I actually felt bad for my sister and for what I had said in the letter. I laid in bed restless pretty much that whole night.
Thursday [yesterday.] - I came face to face with Cathy for the first time since the note. Nothing was said, we didn't even look at one another. Dinner was ready, so I walked downstairs to get some. I heard Cathy in the kitchen talking crazy shit on Jon. She was like "I keep texting Jon and he wont answer, hes a fucking immature dickhead stuck up Julies ass" and she kept going on and on.. and fucking Lexi runs out into the kitchen and says so fucking loudly "shh! julie's down here!" and Cathy shuts up. I mean my God, HOW IMMATURE. But I ignored it. I was furious, but I ignored it. I went down into the basement to finish the laundry, and Cathy has my laundry threw EVERYWHERE. It needs to be rewashed now. So I walk upstairs, and right in front of Cathy, ever so calmly say to Mom "itll be awhile til you get your laundry back, I gotta rewash it cause it was thrown all over the place." And BAM Cathy went nuts. Started screaming a bunch of shit I can't even barley remember to me. Starts throwing shit everywhere. Chairs. Her plate of food. Her cell phone. Everything. Starts saying she's gonna murder me, she's gonna grab a knife and slit my throat. Then poor Jon came down and she runs up to Jon and tells him I'm only with him cause he's gonna be rich, and I'm sleeping around on him and all this and that. And I'm sorry, but I just think it is soo wrong for her to get Jon involved. I mean yeah, Jon doesn't like her cause of how she is to me, but Jon does not wanna fight with her. He wants to stay out of it. And I'm fine with that and I respect that. But Cathy kept getting on his case about shit. So I start screaming back. And honestly, I have never been this mad in my whole entire life. I dont remember half the shit I said, and Jon was so scared/confused he doesn't recall much either. But I know I just screamed so loud I almost lost my voice. And right before I walked away, I fucking dropped my pants right down to my ankles, bent ALL THE WAY over, and told her to KISS MY ASS. And I know she had to of seen EVERYTHING. Including my coochie. Cause I could feel my tampon string hanging out and everything. Then I went upstairs, and Mom's screaming that I need to leave. Me and the animals. For the night. So I pack them up and I'm heading out and we're even as far as in the car and she came out and she's like "is Zeus gonna be okay?" Zeus is my lizard for you who don't know... and he needs a heat lamp, if he doesn't have it he could easily die. Especially in the winter. And I was like "actually no, i have no where to plug in his lite and i can't get ahgold of anyone." [at that time i had called a few ppl and noone answered.] So Mom gets a change of heart and tells me to get Zeus back inside and his light back on. So I did. And believe it or not, after that things calmed down a lot. Even Cathy texted Jon and said "Do you guys want me to go to my room so you can get some supper?" Of course he didn't reply. I just think it's weird she went all nuts, threatened to kill me, lied to Jon, and then offers to go in her room so we can EAT?! WHAT THE FUCK. Well when Mom first kicked me out, one of the ppl I called who didnt answer was my bro Adam. And once I'm up in my room he calls back. So I sat on the phone with him a good hour just crying my eyes out. He calmed me down sooo much it was so sweet. I mean I'm sure Jon would've done the same but Adam just so happened to call so he got the job done. After I hung up with Adam it was so quiet downstairs so Jon and I decided to go down and eat. While we're in the kitchen eating, Cathy is in the living room and texts Jon AGAIN. She's like "No matter what Julie says, I wasnt talking shit on you, I was just talking to Mom about what to get you for your birthday." Complete and total bullshit. Nothing happened since then, but I will def keep you updated. | | |
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